I went to yoga today (even thought I really didn't want to) and I realized something very important. Well a few things. First- I heart yoga. It is one activity that I really feel good doing, and I'm decent at it. (Human Gumby) So I'm going to add "Become a certified Yoga Instructor" to my bucket list (thanks for the inspiration Jen).
The second thing I realized, the real epiphany, is that I have the most inaccurate and unhealthy body image possible. I was able to have this epiphany because I forgot to put my contacts in today. So during the class I couldn't see the details of my body that I normally despise, I was only able to see the rough shape/size of my body. And in seeing my fuzzy reflection, I was able to finally see things clearly. My real body is nothing like the image of myself that is ingrained into my head. Years of wishing I was a bit lighter, or a bit less pudgy, or a bit more like I was when I was 17 have created a self-loathing monster that has made it impossible for me to see myself as I truely am. And in turn, that moster has put words like "fat" into my self-description and into Dylan's vocabulary. (see quote below) So, in the middle of my deep-breathing, I made a vow to change the way I see myself before Scarlett is old enough to be affected by it. I refuse to raise my daughter in a home where "fat" and "skinny" are words to identify yourself by. "Fat" is my new f-word.
;
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3 comments:
that's so true! Little girls pay so much attention to what their parents say/do about their bodies. Unfortunately, Ysa will probably always be obsessed with avoiding sugar since it makes me sick there's really no way to get that out of the vocab. But we definitely try to avoid talking about "fat" or "skinny". It is probably okay to say that you are fit though! Ysa has been saying she's exercising because she wants her heart to be healthy, and I think that's an okay attitude.
And you know you are super skinny, especially for having kids so don't make the rest of the world hate you by complaining about your 110 lb body. ;)
So you like yoga? I've never tried it but I want to get in better shape. How did you get the cute bird design on your blog?
It is so good that you have decided to look at yourself in this way. Like I was telling you, when I was at my mom's last month looking through her photo album I looked at pictures of myself and thought, "Wow, look how cute I was." I don't ever remember feeling like I looked cute then. I always thought there was something "wrong" with my body. Life is toooo short for that. You look great, and healthy is what we all need to aim at.
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